I haven’t been watching TLC’s
Real Pastor’s Wives of Atlanta The Sisterhood, but clearly I should be. Apparently, the wives went to a Christian sex therapy session, and it was hilarious. How could it not be? Nothing captures what is simultaneously fascinating, disturbing, and hilarious about modern evangelical culture as Christian sex therapy, Christian sex manuals, Christian sex advice, etc.
For those of you not familiar with evangelical sex theology, here’s a primer. It’s very men’s needs centric, it’s very pro-abstinence, and it lends an almost holy quality to marital sex – some literally believe that Jesus plays a role in god-sanctioned sex. Some, like my nemesis, Mark Driscoll (or “Marky Mark”), are pro-non-procreative sex – Driscoll has even endorsed oral sex as biblical under the Song of Songs. To quote Driscoll, (Note: next paragraph is possible Trigger Warning for those who are/were victims of Mark Driscoll)
“Men, I am glad to report to you that oral sex is biblical…The wife performing oral sex on the husband is biblical. God’s men said, Amen. Ladies, your husbands appreciate oral sex. They do. So, serve them, love them well. It’s biblical. Right here. We have a verse. ‘The fruit of her husband is sweet to her taste and she delights to be beneath him.”
Translation: if you’re not having oral sex with your husband, you are a bad wife. Notice he doesn’t have anything to say about oral sex the other way around because he is the patriarchy.
So these five pastor’s wives went to Christian sex therapy. There’s a video here, if you care to see.
The therapist, in addition to uttering the line that is the title of this blog post, said,
“Sex is a ministry, and it should be treated just like a worship service. And by the time sex is over with, your man should be shouting ‘Hallelujah!’ or something.”
Yeah, so. I’ve been to some worship services, and I don’t think I want sex to be like them. Just saying.
But apparently that’s compelling to some people. So are we on the verge of sex-positive evangelism? Or at least heteronormative-monogamous-sex-positive evangelism?